Trip report

I certainly was someplace other than my usual reality last week. Thanks to my son and his magic brownies, I had a 4 hour experience that was not very pleasant. The probable explanation is that my THC tolerance was for naught--and this is very true. It turns out that the portion I gobbled was too big and too potent,  but honestly even though it was a frightening experience, I am glad I partook. It shook me up and made me realize how tightly I cling to this organized reality of ours.

We had planned for a different kind of experience that week--one that would indeed initiate an out of mind experience (Iowasca), so this little interlude made me take pause and re-think. I had no idea how it would feel to lose control of thought functions--to not be able to remember the second before--at all. To feel like my brain functions weren't.  I panicked. My breathing shut down--I struggled against the loss of my "self" even though I was aware of what was happening. Each thought seemed bottomless followed by a loss of recall for that very intricate thought. At the height of the experience there was almost no coherent sustainable thought.


Intellectually I knew I should "relax and let go"--that "I was safe", but it is hard to battle Mission Control (ego) and it's stronghold on your physical functions. I only marginally controlled the panic I was feeling and it took a good 4 hours to come back to reality. For several days after wards I did not feel myself.  As the rigors of the trip faded, I contemplated the experience seeking the message/lesson/learning there was to be had.

Here is my pros/cons list:

Pro--allowed my son to be a guide and in charge (role reversal).
Con--allowed my son to see me in a state of panic.
Pro--got a little closer to understanding the nature of our reality.
Con--made myself less likely to seek out such experiences again--Chicken factor.
Pro--gained a huge appreciation for our natural organized thought process and the work the ego does to keep things together.
Con--learned how tight (and desperate?) the ego's hold actually is on the mind.
Pro--When I could withstand closed eyes for any number of seconds, the patterns and visuals were very interesting.
Con/(Pro?)--I actually could sense what it was like to begin to die.
Pro--Learned to exercise extreme caution when ingesting something I've had little experience with.


Even though I was hardly expecting to travel in the first place, I wish my trip report could have regaled you with psychedelic imagery and profound insights gained during my hours of detachment. Instead, I have had a very real glimpse of the stage set behind the production of Civilization Planet Earth 2010. I have viscerally felt that everything we do or think is surrounded by nothing--an infinite ocean of quiet. (It was that quiet that scared the hell out of me.) Just as atomic particles are comprised mostly of the spaces between and within them---our (solid) bodies and our (stable) thoughts are ethereal and filigreed --only coherent enough to get by in this life. Our gossamer selves have a shelf life in this world, but the oceanic filler is forever.